Thursday, 3 February 2011


You can love many different people in this world, but there's only one person who you love the most. #Bones

will always love you most

have a good life.


grieving..trying to get one with life...battered and bruised

redpill vs bluepill

The Matrix, is a cult classic. I'm not so in love with the sequels, but u know the original, where the universe was introduced to those 2 little pills that decide your fate...that I love.

I always want the truth, it sometimes is great many times it sucks, but at least you know what you're dealing with.
For instance if someone knows something or did something, that would somehow have an impact on your life, would you rather know from the getgo and be able to make an informed decision or get your head right, or just go along not knowing anything and get blindsided right at the point where you think your life is on the brink of greatness?  

To be honest I'd rather have had that red pill from morning, than get half 7 months after the fact then the other half a month later. At least I'd have been able to box all the emotions up in one go, cry til my throat was sore, and my eyes puffy little slits and my nose a runny mess.

Thing is I would have totally understood the reasoning. But when one person holds the cards and deals them at's not fair. But then life ain't fair.

Let me just say this and be done with this. I have said some hurtful things yes. I can acknowledge them. I can only say the way things seem, that doesn't mean I believe it, it means I don't know what to believe. Not that it matters anymore. It's good to be able to put aside selfishness for an innocent, I get it, but it doesn't make not putting it aside in the beginning, by keeping important info to yourself, any less wrong....could explain the tossing and turning though..hmm

"Not gonna happen"...guess 1st will be the only one...that's how it seems. ...maybe that's how it ought to be. what do I know?

Wishes of happiness and joy for you. But excuse me if I need some time to grieve

I love that Jazmine Sullivan song, "Lions and tigers and bears"...there's a line "why do we love love, when love seems to hate us" chick was on point. I think I give up.."my heart big but it beat quiet"

People please forgive the ranting that seems to follow no sequence. Today I pretty much lost the one person I would talk to about any and know how it's said that you only get one...well my "one" walked out on me's a battle it seems I'm not supposed to fight let alone win.....rightly so....doesn't make it hurt any less.

lastly, I still believe that if the 2 or one of the 2 isn't happy, then the innocent ends up suffering in the long run. But that may be me being selfish... I suppose one can never know how strong they are til strong is the only choice....but I have no reason to pick up and shake it off...this is going to be one long hard uphill battle. But hey..maybe I'll lose some weight on the way up.