Thursday, 16 September 2010

travel

I did a lot of traveling in my youth, I mean those days when planes had 7 seats in the middle and 2 on each side, you know the days when there was a smoking and non smoking section. where granny or the hip young thing could bring their knitting needles along in their hand luggage without being full cavity searched for being a threat to  national security...I mean the days when there was one pull down screen and we all watched the same movie, no sexy single serve consoles and video game players in the back of the seat in front of us.
And those days, in my youth, I'm sure I bothered my mother because I was bored, but I always had a puzzle book or a well, book book to occupy my time. Apparently this is not the way of children today..well people in general. So I have realized that while I like traveling I would be more than patient enough to wait for someone to build a transportation type device.

Between the early morning wake ups the packing, the fact that you're a terrorist if you bring a bottle of apple juice in your carry on. *big sigh* and let's not forget the people. Oh my lord, I have to have the worst luck in seats or some bad karma is working it's mojo.

On the way to my destination I had "crazy seeing things lady" I sat at the window and she kept peering over me to see out. Once I leant forwards, and without my semi decent peripheral vision, I'd have sat back on her. if the peeping wasn't bad enough she then asks "is that a ship" "no" I respond, 'it's a cloud" to which she replies 'but what is the black ting? I saw a big black thing". *big sigh* I respond as calmly as possible "that is the cloud's shadow on the water". Why me?

But peeping lady is nothing compared to adhd having child next to me on the return flight. She sits at the window and proceeds to call out to her mother (sitting in the seat behind us in the other row) and ask her to pass her the crazy glue. yes CRAZY GLUE. Are you even supposed to have that in your hand luggage? The child waits until we're in the air to break out her crazy glue and glue fake nails on. So battling fumes I get stuck into a cryptogram. The child is looking over my shoulder so hard her nose is nearly touching the page. I give her a look. She moves back until I suppose she thinks I won't notice her nose once again in my book. Then she gets the brilliant idea to paint her now secured fake nails. *sigh* So these people got crazy glue and nail polish on a plane but I can't bring the apple juice that I'm drinking... WTF. I try the puzzle again and here comes the nose. I don't know about you, but I'm not disciplining anyone's child especially in a damn plane that's miles up in the air. To top it off, the man behind her decides to whip out his laptop and entertain the entire cabin with music. The air hostess had to intervene. By this time instead of air marshals flying out of the bathroom to handcuff me I thought it best to order a stiff drink.



So security please know that I'm not carrying drugs or explosives in my SANDALS, so there will be no need for me to remove them. If I'm actually drinking from a bottle you can see through and the liquid is under the allowed limit even though the bottle can hold more...it's ok, it only poses a threat to my bladder or to the missing of my flight if there's a long line for the bathroom. And maybe you need to build a cage for annoying people who for some reason you have let through security with CRAZY GLUE!

If any baller is out there with a private jet in working condition, holla!