Thursday, 16 December 2010

December

I am not a "christmassy" person. I say this and I get called a scrooge or a grinch. I do not dampen anyone's joy, I do not try to convert anyone to my ways,  if I had a child in my life.....mine or a step child....I would definitely put on the la di dah show for him/her/them. However I do not, so no need. I don't even have a tree, much less lights and baubles. Well the US Embassy did send me a tree ornament in the shape of the US Seal. Yes rather interesting.

December hasn't been a wonderful time for me for years. Bad/difficult/painful things for some reason always seem to happen in my life in this month.

My maternal grandmother lost a battle with cervical cancer on the 15th, hmm that's today isn't it. Mind you I cannot remember her I was only 1.
My paternal grandmother who was my 2nd mother, lost her battle with melanoma when I was 6. I remember everything all too well. I remember the graveside and walking in the procession, I remember bawling my tiny eyes out at the funeral, I remember wanting to stay with her on christmas day, but my mother wouldn't let me, granny died in her sleep (hopefully) sometime between christmas and boxing day.
The break up of a relationship with the one man I have ever truly loved, started in December, it never officially happened until early January, but seeds were already sewn(is it sown?).
So I'm sorry if I'm not interested in celebrating the written in a book "birth of christ", excuse me for not being overly excited about santa and a lights and presents. I have no issue with you getting excited, and I actually quite love to see a lit up tree and christmas store windows...but for nearly 10 years all I've ever asked for is one gift and i have yet to receive it. maybe there really is a first wife curse....

Anyway so December can come and go, because every year brings about another bend over and take it in the ass, with no lubrication from a mandingo.

for the rest of you in happy happy joy to the world mode. bless, enjoy the season, but stop trying to make me one of santa's happy little elves cause believe me if they exist and have to be doing slave labour, can't really see them being overly happy right about now.

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