Thursday, 1 May 2008

Little old lady down the hall

Ever feel the need to just scream? *woosah* Anyway...

There's this little old lady down the hall who like to come visit my aunt. I mean she comes in makes herself a up of tea (a cup has been designated as hers) uses the bathroom etc..makes herself at home on the couch 'having a laugh' at Mrs Bucket and so on.
The other day she comes by (well I think it was her..when I'm home alone and not expecting anyone you could knock on my door until you're blue in the face, unless I'm in a good mood I'm not moving from where I am) and I didn't answer and as per usual I got 'bitch' through the letterbox. Yes little old lady will cuss at you. Anyhow later in the day my aunt was home and was caught by little old lady. She came in.. I was upstairs but have come to recognise her scent (what?? Didn't I mention that she smells like a cross between wet diaper, astray and month old sweat--not because little old lady legs can't get to the bathroom in time, not because she smokes (she doesn't), not because she can't afford water and soap, oh no little old lady just doesn't bathe..she is British you know). Little old lady brings a 'lawyer letter' to show my aunt. It states that her sister has died and has left £350,000 to be shared equally between her and her 2 brothers. Well great right.. at least she can be sure that she can survive the rest of her life in ease. Well little old lady was walking past the 'flat' and I hear her telling someone 'I'm getting more that you said (insert name of my aunt here) told me, I'm getting more that you said (name) told me'. What didn't I mention little old lady repeats everything at least once?
When I hear that little old lady was found dead somewhere and her account was cleaned out.. I will not be surprised at all.

Sunday, 27 April 2008


Over the last few years I've come to differently but in an odd way similarly men and women view the same item/incident/happening..whatever. Of course I could be very wrong..and this probably only really pertains to me, because I cannot and would never profess to being a world expert or even a regional expert on the male and female psyches.

Ladies what we need to keep in mind is that just because a man(your man) doesn't say it or do it doesn't mean that he isn't feeling it or thinking it. Confused much?
Men what you need to realise is that women are more governed by their emotions and you by while you might be thinking it and for some unknown reason expect her to know that you're thinking'll be better for all parties if you actually just come out and say it. Confused much?

Ok let's try this...'labelling' has been a sore point for 2 very different reasons. Men don't like to label..but women do. The man may not like to 'label' for many reasons. He might prefer to keep his options open and proclaiming that he is in fact 'your' man makes him unavailable (which we all know is a crock because there are women who will chase after him as soon as they hear that he's taken). Admitting out loud to himself that he is infact your man scares him half to death because he sees it as him getting old and settling down and isn't ready to come to terms with the fact that he is no longer 25. Saying that he is your man takes away the 'we never said this was serious/we never said we were exclusive' defence when you walk into a bar and observe him practically surgically attached to some scantily clad barely legal young thing. And in some cases admitting to you and himself that he is in fact your man pertrifies him just in case you don't want to be lumbered with a man..just in case one day he walks into a bar and finds you swaying suggestively on the dancefloor with some other man. Admitting that he is your man makes it harder to ignore the fact that he cares about you and he has opened up emotionally to you thus making it easier for you to break his heart.
But my brothas...what you fail to realise is that the female isn't breaking down and crying, having tamtrums and sulking to get her own way every living minute of the day. However you only ever pick up on the insecurities and sorrow when she does blow up..that's when you do that thing that pisses her off know what I mean..let's say it together shall we...all together now 'why do you always have to be so over dramatic, are you having your period?'. This is when you will end up with a stiletto in your anus. No she is not having her period, no she is not being overly dramatic. What has happened here is that she has been continuously feeling shut out of your life, because frankly guys you know you don't like 'talking' when you have issues. While it is fine for you to deal with it on your own, shunning your lady is not the way to go about it. And the more often it happens the more hurt she gets and it builds up and builds up and then eruption. Granted she should say from the first time that she's feeling this way..this doesn't always happen..because just like you men we females do sometimes for whatever reason believe that you should realise what we're feeling. Thing is guys, we females like labels. She isn't trying to get a 'lawyer letter' and deed to claim ownership of you and your balls. She isn't trying to be your boss. She isn't going to start calling you every hour on the hour (well except those crazy broads and y'all need to run from them) to find out when you're coming home and where you are and who you're with. The lady in your life needs that label so that she knows she's more to you than the warm p*ssy you know for certain you can always come back to. Plain and simple the female just wants to know that you need/want her as much as she needs/wants you. So when you get that question..y'all know the one 'what am I to you?' don't get defensive and frustrated because she should know by your actions. yes yes actions speak louder than words..but just because something is loud doesn't mean that the sentiment sinks in. Sometimes words need to be spoken louder than actions. Frankly if she's asking that question chances are she knows that she isn't just a warm p*ssy to you, but is somewhat sketchy on where she needs to put her head at where you are concerned.

Admittedly I have been guilty of such activities as stated above but these days I say 'it is what it is'. It doesn't mean that I'm sure what 'it' is, but that I've accepted that 'it' just is.
At the end of the day I suppose you (men and women) just need to communicate better. But then this has been an issue since Noah was a boy and probably will always be. But it's worth a try for the sake of friends who have to listen to woes and constantly carry a change of clothing because at some point their shoulder will become saturated with tears. AT the end of the day opening a solid line of communication (no Digicel, T-Mobile or C&W cells then ey) is going to be of great benefit to you and your relationship whatever it may be.