Thursday, 14 February 2008

Chateau d'If

I'm annoyed, no that's not the word I'm looking for, but it's somewhere in that category. You ever feel as though you have no control over your life and that no one listens to you? Yes fine I know I'm sounding like the spokeschild for clinical depression. You know what, maybe I am. I mean you know you got a serious problem when alcohol isn't tasting good to you anymore. This Bacardi is doing nothing for me whatsoever.
I've even tried drowning myself in a tub of Haagen-Dazs. I don't even like ice cream all that much. So the tub is sitting over there looking at me, trying to guilt me into drinking some more of it's creamy cookies and cream innards. Yes drink, cause that's what it's turned into now, a milkshake. But the inanimate object is easy to ignore and stand up to. It's people I have a problem with, people who guilt me into feeling like I'm being ungrateful, though I never actually asked for their help. Actually I've been staving off their help forever now. So after making many a good point (why do I bother) I have been once again overruled by a succession of fallacies. When you have no power you just have to ask how high when you're told to jump.
So I'm over frustrated, pissed off, fed up and many other things I will not say for surely someone will be trying to refer me to a psychiatric hospital, and I've already got a comfy white jacket thank you.
I feel as though I've been put through a wringer, and it's times like these that make me want to press the send button and have that email, I keep writing then deleting, take a quick leap from my out box to Voldy's inbox. Voldy is the only person who has ever been able to release me from the chains of funk, but I no longer have Voldy. I probably never actually had Voldy, but blissful are the ignorant.
I want out. I seriously want out.
If I were ever to come into a large enough sum of money, I have to admit, I'd relocate to a remote corner of the globe and the only way anyone would hear from me is right here. I'd just disappear, ok first I'd take a page from Eric Cartman ''screw you guys I'm going home''. That sounds like heaven to me right now. Good lord I do have anti-social tendencies.... idiosyncrasy maybe. *sigh*

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